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Android Studio: The Continuing Nightmare [caution, annoyed brother ahead]

If you install Android Studio and it works, consider that a major miracle. Otherwise expect messages like:
Gradle doesn't work. Fix you project! [With a saw and hammer, right?]
Access denied! Access denied! None of your AVD work so no emulation...
FileNotFoundException! - What file please? And does AS expect me to help find it? Why can't YOU find it?  I wish it was kickable - I would give it a very giant KICK.

Update! [1.5GB]
At lunch - Update! 1GB
Evening - Update!
Is update some kind of chronic disease or what? And who's going to pay for all these bundles. (9 GB today alone.

It's an embarrassment for Google. This thing is like the old steam locomotive: it needs water and wood every few miles.

Indexing...………………………………………………………………… an empty project...……………………………………………………. for 30min...……………………………! Get serious Google. If its dead, bury it. Start all over from scratch.

AVD won't load
Can't find AVD...………..
Java 10.1 is an invalid JDK……………
Can't find toolchains...…………………………………….
Can't find anything...…………………….
We can do with some ar15s here. Put then to good and proper use blowing up AS.
Sorry Google. One this one: D

Someone create an Android builder quick. I have the will, the money and the wherewithal to get an replacement for AS NOW. If not NOW, the RIGHT NOW.

It's code red on the Android coding front. I may have to do JavaScript for a while. Kotlin? Colorful hype.

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